If you are involved in a spiritual community or the New Age movement, you have probably heard of the term, Spiritual Bypassing, but what does it really mean?
In short form, spiritual bypassing is a form of avoidance. Although the term encompasses much more, the main way in which this term is used is to discuss the overemphasis of positivity. What does this mean? Let’s look at an example.
Jim calls his friend Harold because his girlfriend broke up with him. He is reaching out because he is feeling a multitude of feelings, including heartbreak.
Harold tells him one of the famous quotes, ‘There are lots of other fish in the sea. You were too good for her anyway.’ Harold believes he is helping his friend out with being positive and moving on.
Jim’s first thoughts are that his friend is right. He shouldn’t be sad or angry. He should look at the ‘silver lining.’ At least she didn’t leave him alone at the altar. He thinks to himself, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I should just get back out there.”
These are all terms and quotes that we are so used to hearing and saying that we sometimes forget what they mean.
We are indirectly telling Jim that he should not feel what he is feeling. He should repress his feelings. He should be happy and optimistic, looking to the future, detaching from this situation. In turn, what Jim ends up feeling is guilt and shame.
When his ex-girlfriend asks to stay friends, he may agree hoping all the while that she will change her mind about their relationship. Jim may also start making excuses for her in order to avoid the reality of the situation or start making excuses for not telling her how he really feels. “She has a lot going on right now. I don’t want to add to her already full plate.” This causes a division in his psyche. He feels shame and guilt instead of anger, sadness, and frustration.
From this one example that we can all relate to, we see many of the consequences of spiritual bypassing.
Repression & Numbing
Detachment
Ignorance of truth
Devaluation of self
Avoidance
Inflation of positivity & Deflation of perceived negativity or negative emotions
Weakened Boundaries
If the situation is not grieved and the emotions are not processed, his emotions will be triggered by simpler things. He will also find himself in a similar situation over and over again until he processes his emotions and heals himself. I am not a doctor, but if he had been shot in the chest, a thorough care plan would be devised. He would likely need surgery, wound cleaning, bandaging or dressing changes, medication, and bed rest. Why is it that we treat emotional wounds so differently?
When we avoid the grieving process, we hinder our healing process essentially hindering the ascension process. Ascension is what all of us spiritual folks want, right?
We want to vibrate as high as possible, striving for wholeness and enlightenment but we have to remember that this will not happen overnight and that not all of us will get there. And that’s okay. We are all on different paths. Many who claim to be enlightened are not. Just because someone is considered a spiritual person or meditates multiple times a day, does not necessarily mean that this person is better than you, or is vibrating at a higher frequency.
Spiritual practices such as meditation can be used as a form of avoidance or detachment from reality. Anything in excess can cause an imbalance in our self and in our reality.
Many people believe in the idea that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not human beings having a spiritual experience. I agree with this principle, but I also believe that we are here to learn. If we choose to avoid the darkest, most ‘human’ parts of ourselves, we cannot learn and we definitely cannot ‘heal.’
To Heal others, you must heal yourself.
To Educate others, you must educate yourself.
To Accept others, you must accept yourself.
To Love others, you must love yourself.
Your question may be, “I have used these unhealthy coping skills for so long. How can I break them? How can avoid this?”
It is easier to look to others for healing than to look within or to think that we have reached a state of enlightenment so we will not have any further heartaches or situations to heal in the future rather than facing the truth.
Here are some of the practices that I continue to work through.
1. Allow all of your wounds to come to the surface, no matter how it may feel. Once you process them adequately, you will know when you are ready to release them and bless them with love. You may still think of the wounds, but you will see them from a different perspective.
2. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. We are meant to experience duality. Numbing the pain will only cause more issues down the road.
3. Shine light on your darkness. Sit with yourself and allow yourself to identify the darkest parts of yourself. Accept those parts of yourself or dig deeper.
4. Evaluate your beliefs systems and do some introspection to discover some of your core or root beliefs that you wish to change.
5. Face the truth. In facing the truth, you grow stronger, more confident, and more authentic. This is when you truly connect to your ‘Higher self.’
Remember, this is a lifelong journey. Thank you for being a part of mine.
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